I just realised the beauty of hope.
Ive always loved hope. Ive always said it was the one things thats kept me going in tough situations. Ive always encouraged people to hold onto even the tiniest fragment of hope, even when all seems lost. The thought that maybe somehow, some way, everything will turn out fine is enough to keep someone off the pills, away from the bottle, sane.
Ive always hated uncertainty. Running into totally foreign situations terrifies me. Being left out of the loop infuriates me. Being unable to anticipate feelings depresses me. I know I cant know everything; Thats the one worldly truth I can rely on. I know I have to accept that I cant always be prepared or a confidant. Even so, I cant stand not having closure
I love hope. I hate uncertainty. The problem is, one cant exist without the other.
I have closure. I know. I have no questions to ask and so I cant find out what I need to fix this. I can do nothing. I can say nothing. I have nothing to keep me off the pills, away from the bottle, sane. I have no uncertainty, therefore I have no hope.
And its tearing me apart